She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
id be glad to
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
