my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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