I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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