Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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