this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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