As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think people are normalizing furries
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
