lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
