Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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