He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
