i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm always down for nudity.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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