my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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