he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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