$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
