***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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