no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
