Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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