Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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