What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
