I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
