i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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