she looked like the before picture.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So squirting runs in the family.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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