I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
