I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
