i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
