Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
