I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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