i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
