Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
