I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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