Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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