that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
