the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
