He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
