dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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