I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
