Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
