Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
