Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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