Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
