What did we do last night that was yellow?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
