At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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