come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
