Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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