i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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