i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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