saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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