Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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