Only a mothe r could love this liver
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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