I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
my poor anus
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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