I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
