the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
