In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
