I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I need water and some morals
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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