What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
