My liver just broke up with me...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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