I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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