I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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