I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
