im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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